Let’s talk about those giant messes and how to get rid of them.
You know the mess I’m talking about – I mean your spare rooms, cupboards, loungerooms, kitchens, garden sheds, garages, car boots. Any of those places where stuff is balanced precariously and could turn into a deadly landslide at any moment.
Before we start, I want you to know its common. Life can feel hectic, and this shows up in our stuff. We struggle with routines and boring things, and usually buy or collect lots of things, so it makes sense that without support, we would become surrounded by mess.
MESS CAN CAUSE HUGE ISSUES IN YOUR LIFE:
- If you have a tidy partner, it can lead to problems in your relationship.
- Extra overwhelm and stress from losing stuff all the time.
- Feeling shame and having low self-worth because you think it represents who you are.
- Socially isolating because you stop inviting people over.
- At times, it can be a fire hazard, cause pest problems, and mean little kids need even more supervision.
Stop for a second and imagine what would change in your life if those messes were gone.
Would you feel happier? Lighter? Have less fights? More visitors? Feel proud of your home and yourself?
Is that worth making some changes for?
If you’re ready to take on a mess or two, let’s look at the steps.
1 – PLANNING
To tackle the mess, we need to break it down into more manageable parts. Looking at an entire spare room filled wall to wall would send anyone into a spiral of overwhelm, so we want to avoid that.
Be clear on what part you are working on. If it’s already naturally segmented (like shelves in a cupboard or bags of stuff), do one segment at a time.
If it’s literally a giant pile, start by making into sections. Grab stuff with two hands and put it into tubs, bags, or even just separate piles if you don’t have bags or tubs.
2 – STARTING
Ok, so you’ve got 12 piles. How do you start? Task initiation can be a huge problem for us.
If possible, cover the other segments or piles up. Use a sheet to cover them, or close drawers and doors.
Tell yourself you’ll only do it for 10 minutes. Chances are you’ll keep going because getting started is much harder than keeping at it. It doesn’t matter that you know this is a trick, your brain will usually fall for it anyway. And if you do stop, you still did 10 minutes’ worth.
Be intentional with what you wear. Bare feet and pyjamas indicate it’s time to wind down…. Try normal clothes (or gym wear) and shoes – anything your brain associates with movement and action.
Give body doubling a go. This is when you have someone else with you who is just there, not helping but just a presence to help you keep going. You can do this in person, or even on Zoom.
3 – CONTINUING
Alright, once you’ve started, you may well gather momentum. But now comes the worry about distractions. To prepare for this, we need to make it fun, comfortable, and set up some precautions.
Create a playlist of energising music in advance to avoid wasting time deciding what to listen to. Play it on a speaker if possible, so you can put your phone out of the way and avoid picking it up.
Put your phone on silent and if possible, let other household members know you’re on a mission and to leave you be.
Get some easy to eat snacks prepared in advance. This can provide a little dopamine hit, and ward off any unproductive hangry feelings.
Don’t leave the room! Once you go through another doorway, you’ll likely find something else to grab or do. Even gone to do the laundry but then found a toy and went to quickly put it away and before you know it, you’re painting a wall? We want to avoid that. So, set up tubs/bags or piles for things that need to go to other rooms. Use post it notes to label the piles and when you have finished the area you decided to work on, take one pile at a time into its room.
Set yourself the following rule “Once I touch it, I need to deal with it”. Without this, we end up with a pile of things that are too hard to make decisions about, so we give up and it becomes the foundational slab for the next giant mess.
4 – FINISHING
Have a clear reward idea for your target – if you sorted piles, those need to be put in their respective places (and sorted too if you still have it in you) before the reward.
Don’t rob yourself of the reward either, or you will damage the trust you have with yourself next time you offer a reward in exchange for a boring task.
Before and after photos can be a great idea too, so you can reflect on the work you did and enjoy that feeling of pride and accomplishment.
5 – PREVENTION
Here are some ideas for preventing new giant messes.
Try a 5-10 minute daily ‘pick up’ session. A time when you wander around and pick things up and put them away. Do your best to stay present in this, chanting a mantra to yourself if you need to, to stop becoming engrossed in other tasks along the way. If you pick 2-3 dedicated songs for this and put them on, you will create a link in your brain between the songs and picking things up, which can help for habit formation.
Give things a home – use labels if you need to. Everything should have a place to live. If it doesn’t, consider getting rid of it. When things don’t have a home, we need to think too much when we see them out of place, which leads to decision fatigue and just leaving it where it is. Do it 20 times and a giant mess is born.
Before you bring something new home, imagine where it will go. If you can’t see a home for it, you don’t want it.
Get rid of stuff! The less stuff you have, the less messes can be made.
If prevention fails, schedule in regular times to tackle the messes using body doubling techniques. Don’t have anyone to do it with you? Join The ADHD Toolbox and get a body double every week!
Which of these tips are you going to try? Or do you have your own tips you want to share?
Thanks for reading!